Emotion Is Cringey

by Centre Negative

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    "Packed with post-ironic self-hatred and snarkily choreographed misery, and it suits their tunes nicely." - Yellow Green Red

    "As far as I'm concerned, it's another hit for ever/never." - Miranda Fisher, Casting Couch

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1.
in 01:02
2.
THIS ONE ACTS ENLIGHTENED AS IF BEING OLD MAKES YOU WISE HE CAN CHEW YOUR EAR OFF ABOUT POLITICS ALL NIGHT BUT JUST COS HE’S OLDER DOESN’T MEAN HE’S RIGHT (WHEN) HE SAYS HE'S SEEN MORE HE MEANS HE’S ONLY SEEN WHITE [1] JUST WHEN YOU GET TO KNOW HIM HIS AGE BEGINS TO SHOW TURNS OUT HE’S NO DIFFERENT TURNS OUT HE IS PROUD THAT / SECRETLY HE’S A RACIST / AND NOW HIS TRUE COLOURS SHOW / HE THINKS I’M HIS RACIST ALLY / AND IT MAKES ME FUCKING CHOKE THIS ONE IS HILARIOUS AS IF HUMOUR IS ALL HE NEEDS FORGET COMPASSION OR TOLERANCE OR RADICAL EMPATHY [2] BUT JUST BECAUSE HE’S FUNNY DOESN’T MEAN HE’S WISE HE FLAUNTS HIS COMIC ARROGANCE AS A KIND OF HUMAN RIGHT BUT AS SOON AS YOU’RE ON HIS SIDE THE TONE BECOMES MORE SNIDE WHAT YOU SUDDENLY FIND IS WHAT HE MEANS INSIDE IS / SECRETLY HE’S A SADIST / ANOTHER FUCKING HOMOPHOBE / HE CALLS HIMSELF PROGRESSIVE / BUT I CALL HIM A JOKE THIS ONE IS MY FRIEND IN MY WELL-CURATED LIFE HE THINKS HE IS RIGHTEOUS AND I THOUGHT HE WAS RIGHT BUT JUST COS HE’S SAYS HE'S LIBERAL DOESN’T MEAN THAT’S WHAT HE IS AND I KNOW WHAT HE IS BUT THEN, WHAT GOOD AM I? IF I DON’T CONFRONT HIS LIFE? IF I CAN’T CHANGE HIS MIND HE’LL THINK IT’S OKAY THAT... / secretly he’s a rapist [3] / just like most men are / he thinks he'll get away with it / cause he knows that so could i I DON’T SAY A WORD I DON’T SAY A WORD I DON’T SAY A WORD I DON’T SAY A WORD [4] ---- [1] ah yep, a classic cringer for sure right here folks. this'll make ya cringe just like the old days [2] well this shit right here is bad enough to be a sonic youth lyric [3] ah god, i've got a feeling this one will come back to haunt me. fingers crossed i don't come out of this looking like a heavy-handed righteous fool! [4] hey, nobody's perfect
3.
WANNA LIVE HERE, WANNA LIE HERE WANNA HEAR THE VOICE OF MY DESIRE, GROW HIGHER LOVE’S AROMA, LOVE IS BOLDER LOVER’S LANGUID ARMS THAT WOULD ENFOLD HER, UNHOLD HER RA RA RA ETC [1] SHALL I WET YOU, SHALL I WARM YOU SHALLOW WORDS OF LOVE MADE TO ADORN YOU, SHOULD WARN YOU MAY I TOUCH YOU, MAY I FEEL YOU MAY THE MURMURED TRUTH THAT WOULD REVEAL YOU, CONCEAL YOU RA RA RA ETC HAVE WE FINISHED, HAVE WE ENDED HAVE OUR TENDER PARTS IN FLESH DISTENDED, BECOME BEFRIENDED SHALL YOU MISS ME, SHALL YOU SEE ME SHELLS ARE CLOSED POLITELY HARD AND GLEAMING, WE WERE DREAMING ----- [1] who wrote this nonsense?
4.
5.
NOTHING IN LIFE IS WORSE THAN DEATH BESIDES HAVING A BOSS BUT THERE’S NO JOY WITHIN THIS LIFE LIKE WHEN A BOSS DIES OFF THINK OF HOW HILARIOUS IT WOULD BE TO SEE THEM WITHER SO SELFISH AS TO THINK THEIR LIFE IS MORE PRECIOUS THAN ANY OTHER WELL NOW THE SCARED OLD WHITE DUDES HAVE A DECENT REASON TO BE SCARED THEIR FEAR OF BECOMING IRRELEVANT / IS SUDDENLY JUSTIFIED NATURE’S GREAT CYCLICITY IS CONFRONTING THEIR COMPLICITY IN ITS COLD PRAGMATIC JUSTICE IT'S NEITHER TRAGIC NOR EVENTFUL I WON'T HAVE ANY SYMPATHY FOR THEIR FUTURE WEEPING-CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE EMPATHY NOR MY WEEPING FUTURE-CHILDREN [1] THE PROBLEM IS REPLACEABLE BUT AT LEAST THE PEOPLE ARE NOT THEY WON’T DIE OUT COMPLETELY / BUT AT LEAST THEY’LL DIE IT’S NOT JUST RIGHT OR NECESSARY IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY FUNNY I WISH THEM ALL THE BEST AS THEY DISCOVER THE MEANING OF LIFE IS TO DIE //// HOORAY! THE BUREAUCRATS ARE DYING OFF HOORAY! THE BOSSES ARE BEING MADE REDUNDANT HOORAY! THE JUDGES ARE ON DEATH ROW HOORAY! THE FUMBLING ADMINISTRATORS ARE LOSING CONTROL ///// IT MIGHT BE A TRAGEDY IF THEY DIDN’T SO DESERVE IT I RELISH IN THE IRONY OF THE DEATH OF THE INVINCIBLE [2] THEY COULD WRITE AN OPINION PIECE BUT IT WON’T STOP THEM FROM DYING THEY COULD CALL THE COPS ON IT BUT IT WOULDN’T DO THEM ANY GOOD [3] IF YOU THINK I’M CALLOUS THEN YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THEIR POLICIES IF YOU THINK THESE WORDS ARE CRUEL / YOU HAVEN’T HAD A LANDLORD THANK GOD FOR DEATH BECAUSE WITHOUT IT WE’D BE STUCK WITH THEM THANK GOD FOR DEATH BECAUSE WITHOUT IT WE’D HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEM THE GOOD NEWS IS THEY’RE FUCKING OLD SO THEY’LL ALL DIE SOON ---- [1] my life was nothing until i learned how to rhyme 'children' with 'children' [2] ...and then the day i decided to stop rhyming altogether. but a whimper was heard [3] ...clap... ...clap...
6.
7.
‘ aaa ‘ aaa ‘ 7 octillion atoms! ‘ 7 octillion atoms! ‘ 7 octillion atoms in the human body / the human body contains 7 octillion atoms / 7 octillion atoms! 7 octillion atoms! / ‘ oooww!! —— ‘ 7 ocTIlion atoms and not one of them fucking works! 7 OCTILLION groups of electrons and protons and neutrons all working together in one big collection conspiring to make me feel pain! and not won of them fuckinworks ====== ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ / / ‘ — '
8.
fuck you 01:38
I SCAN THE ROOM LOOKING FOR LUST AND IT IS YOU THAT I WANT TO FUCK WHY DOES MY MIND DRIBBLE THIS WAY? CAN’T I EXPLAIN WHY I’M THIS WAY? I AM NOT PUNK, I AM JUST CONSERVATIVE EVEN IF IT MAKES ME FEEL SICK ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCK YOU ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCK YOU HERE I AM NOW, SO FULL OF SHAME I TREATED YOUR MIND LIKE IT WAS A GAME [1] I TREATED MYSELF TO YOURSELF WHY CAN’T I TREAT YOU LIKE A PERSON? ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCK YOU ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCK YOU CHANGE MY LIFE, TOUCH ME HEAPS FEEL MY SKIN, CHANGE MY SHEETS MY DESIRE TO FUCK IS FUCKING ME UP SO I THINK IT IS TIME THAT i get fucked [2] ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCK YOU ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCK YOU ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCK YOU ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUCK YOU [3] ---- [1] and sometimes the world wonders where real poetry went [2] now there's a line i can agree with! [3] powerfully intellectual stuff
9.
(instrumental) [1] ---- [1] finally!
10.
act natural 02:02
WHY ACT AT ALL? NOTHING’S NATURAL CAN’T BE CASUAL AROUND THESE CATCH-ALL JOB DESCRIPTIONS AND DRUG PRESCRIPTIONS [1] THEY SAY MEETING, THEY MEAN PLEADING JUST FOR STAPLERS TO FILE PAPERS NEEDING SOMETHING (MEANS) BLEEDING SOMEONE ACT LIKE SOMEONE NOT A VICTIM BUT ACTING NEUTRAL’S NOT THAT USEFUL ACTING NATURAL DOESN’T WORK BE A HUMAN BEING FEELING I HAVE NONE LEFT, LEFT HAS GONE RIGHT LEANING TOWARD INTO BACKWARDS MAKES ME SICK AND I FEEL SICKENED I NEED MEANING NOT MISLEADING NEVER KNOWING (WHICH WAY) UP I’M THROWING [2] WHERE I’M GOING ISN’T SLOWING BUT BEING DOUBTFUL ISN’T HELPFUL ACTING NATURAL DOESN’T WORK ----- [1] what the hell is a 'catch-all job description'? [2] you know what? i don't even care
11.
public confusion is caused by arrogance mass annoyance is caused by arrogance all aggression is caused by arrogance the new zealand herald is caused by arrogance [1] your opinion is caused by arrogance your obsession is caused by arrogance your hangup is caused by arrogance your panic is caused by arrogance my depression is caused by arrogance my remorse is caused by arrogance my worry is caused by arrogance my anxiety is caused by arrogance it’s time to kill existential arrogance ----- [1] *lightsaber sounds*
12.
I DIDN'T APPRECIATE MYSELF I DIDN'T APPRECIATE MYSELF I DIDN'T APPRECIATE MYSELF I DIDN'T APPRECIATE MYSELF [1] ---- [1] and with good reason, too!
13.
I JUST REALISED GOD IS WHITE AT LEAST ACCORDING TO HIS FANS WHO ALSO HAPPEN TO BE WHITE [1] WHITE PRIORITISES WHITE AND WHITE-SUPPORTING VIEWS WHICH THEY’D KNOW IF THEY READ THE NEWS IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE ITSELF THAT RICH AND POWERFUL CROOKS ARE NOT IN HIS GOOD BOOKS AND MOST WEALTHY DECISION MAKERS ARE OF EUROPEAN DESCENT AND THEY DECIDE WHAT THE NEWS SAYS [2] THEY SAY GOD’S THE ONLY JUDGE BUT THEY ACT LIKE THEY’RE THE JURY [3] AS IF THE TRUTH WAS NEVER BLURRY IF I’VE REALLY GOT THIS WRONG AND THERE IS ANY DOUBT I’D LIKE TO CHECK HELL OUT IF THEIR BIBLE PROVES ME WRONG I WANNA HANG OUT WITH THE HICKS AND POOR DISABLED KIDS JUST LIKE JESUS DID [4] ---- [1] all these white people sure are making me mad! grrrrrrrrr [2] grrrrrrr! [3] grrrrrrrrrrr! [4] in fairness, what *wouldn't* that guy do?
14.
15.
I’M JUST A SHILL FOR A WESTERN DEMOCRATIC IDEAL AS IF POP MUSIC CAN BE PURE WHILE BEING MADE TO SHIFT UNITS [1] BUT WHILE WE BUY THESE SONGS AND THEIR ARROGANT LIES I’LL TRY WRITE ONE THAT ISN’T SELFISH IN ITS PINING FOR LOVE IT SHOULD BE WISE AND NEVER TRY TO SELF-AGGRANDISE IT MUST NOT LEER TO JUSTIFY SOME MALE IDEA IT WOULD DEPEND ON SELFLESSLY PRIVILEGING THEM BUT THEN WHAT IF THAT THAT PERSON DOESN’T EVEN EXIST? IT MAKES ME GROAN TO THINK I’LL LIVE MY WHOLE LIFE ALONE BUT THAT'S HOW THIS SHIT SELLS, BY INSISTING WE CAN’T LIVE BY OURSELVES MISPLACING SELF-TRUST, INTO LONELINESS AND SELF-DISGUST EVEN IF SHE'S A MYTH, DOESN’T EVERYONE DESERVE A SONG LIKE THIS? I MIGHT BE SILENT, A VICTIM OF A CATHOLIC ISLAND WHO CAN’T EXPRESS ANY FEELING WITHOUT SHAME AND REGRET BUT STILL I TRY TO MAKE A LOVE SONG NOT A LIE IT’S ONE IDEA THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FOR A CHANGE [2] ------ [1] if only this clumsy piece of word-mess coulda better expressed my point: to believe that a vessel as obviously hollow as the pop-song form -- a consumer product, essentially; a messenger of western imperialist ideals -- could teach human beings how to live and love would not just be irrational, but a baffling contradiction of givens. pop music, with all its major chords and swoony catchphrases, is a cheap sloganeering attempt; a cute way to cheerlead white ignorance and passive exploitation. it should be no wonder that so many 'love' songs are just expressions of male insecurity when you consider that a society that profits from trampling its underlings might only want to present its normative desires as deserved. why else would the radio give us love, romance, and coupleness as a fantastically transcendental spectacle? even the most aware thinkers within music succumb to this, arrogantly staging their feelings away from the realm of politics as if it can exist free from scrutiny, floating in a mindless vacuum. at the end of the day accessibility of form is just a representation of our emotional selves: we all want to feel *deserved*, which is the saddest manufacturing of all. therefore, no matter how cathartic it might feel for a lonely shmuck like me to air his longings in bursts of happy-endorphin sound, it'll never be broadcast beyond those eardrums poisoned by music that serves as a soundtrack to a society that profits off this kind of complex. the greatest tragedy in this tragedy is that this pathetic cis white male still bothers to try. [2] ugh! who the hell does this guy think he is?
16.
(out) 00:23

about

"An ever-changing cast of riff fiends led by Sir Michael McClelland . . . these are well crafted modern pop songs, chockablock with ideas and the pleasantries of punk noise. Marty Rev jamming with The Fall? Ya Ho Wha 13 led by an excitable Kiwi with casios? A Tall Dwarf in the Magnetic Fields? Or The vegetarian Manson Family of Auckland?"-Al Montfort (Total Control, UV Race, Dick Diver)

"Packed with post-ironic self-hatred and snarkily choreopraphed misery, and it suits their tunes nicely . . . They're a strange group for sure, pushing the limits of good taste without feeling like a tossed off waste of time." -Yellow Green Red

What form can you touch but the tangible? what can you phlex but the physical? what do you need but the needlable?

Yes, i'm talking about my body!

The same body that is routinely mowed down by an anxiety NOT UNLIKE that of our current capitalist moment. (badoosh). The same body host to petulant self-hatred of the most middle-class order (i'm looking at you, punk music!), and the same body that got a fucking cancerous, aka malignant, aka this-will-kill-you, tumour ripped out of its elbow this February, right outta the bone. yes, the body that made EMOTION IS CRINGEY by CENTRE NEGATIVE.

I'm still alive, god dammit, and I'm scared as ever. so HERE I AM, ON THE RECORD, TO PROVE IT:

-'shut up!!!!' is the certified grade-A hit
-'existential arrogance' is about most people
-'change is the most sincere kind of apology' is where i confess how shit i've been to folks (tuff blokes, prepare to fuck off!)
-'the bureaucrats are dying off' is a song of sadism, by a masochist, about the sadomasochists of the world.
-'fuck you' speaks for itself.

And more, of course!

You can thank New Zealand for suffocating all but what made it onto this album! you can thank a childhood of evangelical christianity for poisoning what would otherwise be an ordinary record! you can thank a cancer for destroying the god-anointed elbow that strummed all these songs all by itself! (and keep an eye out for the prosthesis-induced next album!)

This is for the suburbanites on shitty isles, this is for ex-evangelicals, and this is definitely for the amputees.

Oh, it's dinky alright.

Yours,
mikey x. negative

credits

released August 27, 2015

Center Negative is the music of Michael Mxxlelland (Team Ugly).

"It's self-recorded, and unfortunately, it sounds like it!"

Album's done via various combination of cassette four-track and reel-to-reel. Thanks to the undying Joshua Lynn (Thinkt Studios AKA my flat) for making it possible/passable.

Jonathan Pearce recorded track 4. Great guy!

MIC0057 (digital and cassette)

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Melted Ice Cream Christchurch, New Zealand

Melted Ice Cream is a record label and music collective based in and around Christchurch, New Zealand.

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